If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
