i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
