You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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