3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
