you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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