I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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