i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
