Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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