i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
