Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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