I cannot find my penis.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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