Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
