ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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