can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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