Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
