god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
