dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
