Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
