I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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