Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
