i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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