A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
