I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
