Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
