ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
