how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
