she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
