just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
