today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
