5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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