someone owes me an orgasm
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
