Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
