My girlfriend figured out who you are.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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