i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
