Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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