Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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