The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
