your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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