We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
