I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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