Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
