his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
