You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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