The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
