You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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