I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
