my mouth tastes like poor choices
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
