I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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