So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
