GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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