My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
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Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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