yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
