I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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