I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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