I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
