i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
