Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
