how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
