She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
