why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
