i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
