i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
zippers are such a cool invention
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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