There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
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That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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