You really coming over, don't trick.
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
