You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
