May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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