shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
