There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
