Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
