just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
