I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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