i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
