i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm at about main and main street
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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