His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
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It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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